Not Letting Situations Define Me

 

I had the opportunity  to interview Gilbert’s younger sister Rebecca Gilbert. A 35 year old recently married mother of a one year old girl. I asked her the same questions trying to find out what made her decisions and path so different from her sister’s.

“I remember my father appearing in the house after he had been absent for, I don’t know, maybe about 6 months. I remember the dress my mother was wearing. I remember the song on the radio, they were playing Hotel California. I don’t really know or remember what the fight was about at the time but I do remember coming in the room and seeing my mother on the floor, passed out and foaming at the mouth. I really remember that dress. I kept staring at it. My older sisters and I just stood there looking at her then at our father. We were in shock for some time. I think even he was shocked. He didn’t say anything. Finally my oldest sister started screaming that he had killed my mother and in a rage she grabbed a knife and went after him . He in a state of terror or maybe just shocked at the audaciousness of my sister jumped out of the bedroom window and took off. We were kids and  didn’t know what to do. Finally one of us went to get help, I don’t know which one. Before help came though, she woke up. I wasn’t sure what I felt. They had argued because he was upset that she was pregnant again. It was her fault and the baby was not his. Neither were we really. He said it constantly.

Looking back I understand Roxanne’s  apprehension when it comes to men but for me, I really believe there’s hope and there just has to be more. Has it affected me, absolutely. Have I chosen wrong or bad men, yes. Have I chosen men who remind me psychically and mentally of my father, yes. My father was about thirteen years older than my mother and light skinned. Even now I tend to choose lighter skinned older men, hell, I’m married to one. If I had to give my own daughter a list of attributes to look for in a man I would tell her to get a man who has integrity, someone who can communicate non-violently. I want her to understand that men are not women and they do have their own limitations and emotional shortcomings. Still, those limitations should not manifest themselves in the way they did between my own mother and father.”

  After interviewing the Gilbert sisters, I understood the types of decisions that one makes in choosing men and it all comes down to an individual psyche of an individual and how they perceive and interpret things. There’s no question that some women who grew up in abusive volatile environments tend to have stunted emotional growth. For others there seems to be an ever reaching, overbearing cycle of abuse with bad and misguided choices in men.